MySpace: The Virtual Trailer Park

MySpace: The Virtual Trailer Park

S. Joaquin Rivera

Broken Sword Publications

(JACKSONVILLE, Fla.) - Since their inception social networking sites have caused people to become less social in real life and more annoying and full of shit behind the anonymity of their computer monitors. These sites have caused people to lose their jobs, they have allowed sexual predators new tools and they have opened the door for the people in real life that you thought no longer existed to come crashing into your living room bearing fruit cakes and more baggage than the airport.

Once upon a time there was life before social networking websites and that life was good…I think. It was a care free time on the Internet - a time where people had to actually email their friends and family to keep in touch. It certainly was not a time filled with profile pages containing mundane details and squalid photographs of people no one bothered to give a shit about before.

It was not filled with so many “creative geniuses” so willing to share their masterpieces via their blogs and bulletins. I scarcely remember what life was like before everyone and their mom had a social profile to better the world with. In fact it took a very long time for me to catch on to the whole phenomenon and for the most part, I am now sorry that I ever did.

I started off with Live Journal several years ago. Now that it has been bought by Russians and is being converted to look and act just like MySpace I have parted ways with the service. I never tried FaceBook or anything else for that matter so I can only comment on MySpace, which for some people is akin to crack cocaine.

MySpace is the great cyber outhouse in space. It’s an overflowing shit-hole. It’s a virtual cesspool of know-it-alls, drama queens, wannabe tough-guys and complete social retards on self-built soap boxes. Its bullshit knows no bounds.

It is an endless trailer park with row after row of toothless douche bags wearing dirty, holey wife-beaters standing next to their filthy doublewides. These people want to share their opinions and “art” with you. God bless the Internet…

The funny thing is, as fucked up as I think MySpace is, it has been a monster of my own creation. I now find myself like the old man stamping out roaches but who can never seem to get them all. It’s my fault. I created the profile. I added contacts.

Other than the fact that it is a free marketing tool for my publishing business I honestly have no idea why I don’t just delete the goddamn thing and be done with it. If it weren’t for a few sales here and there and the few friends and family members I keep in touch with (though with some of them I wonder…), I would have flushed the thing down the toilet a long time ago.

I keep the cursed thing for two reasons: to market my writing and keep in touch with a few people. Number one is to market and I am starting to wonder if having a MySpace page is even necessary for that because there seems to be an ever growing list of things that make me question my sanity for not deleting it.

Not that it matters in the slightest (the fact that I’m even writing about these things is sad within itself), but for what it is worth these things annoy the ever-loving shit out of me and will cause “friend” deletion quicker than you can say: douche bag.

- Updating your goddamn “status” every five minutes with items like “I just took a shower, lolz1!!” or “I’m getting ready to eat some really good cheese!” or “I just got back from the bakery and shoved five pounds of marble rye up my ass”. No one cares what the fuck you’re doing. It’s retarded and it makes you look like a bigger asshole than you already are.

- Spamming the bulletin board. Why people feel the need to do this is beyond me. Most of the time it’s with mundane bullshit. It prevents me from reading about stuff from people I actually give a shit about because they’re buried under 50 bulletins about your shitty band. It’s cool to let everyone know what’s going on or what you’re up to but doing it five times in a row is fuckin’ bullshit.

- People who bitch about not getting “kudos” on their blogs. This is pretty ridiculous. I guess I just don’t get it. Are you fucking serious?!? Are you that shallow that it hurts your feelings if people do not give you “internet kudos”? Please, kill yourself.

- Drama in general. There is so much goddamn drama in real life why in the fuck would anyone want to immerse themselves in it online? I swear it is like there is a kiddie pool full of turds and some people just flock to it. People take themselves way too seriously on the web. I mean…look at yourself; MySpace is a social networking site whose major demographic is teenagers and perverts.

©2008 S. Joaquin Rivera/ Broken Sword Publications, All Rights Reserved

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